Thursday, March 25, 2010

Hope it shall pass soon..

I am having a very bad time ..I don't know what to do , and so , I am away from blogging all this while !!In fact I am hating to blog , because it isn't helping me ! Nobody can , except for those few and damn , they are the reason for my pain ! I am so very upset , so very ...My career died one and half years back and now I was trying to focus on starting everything afresh , anew but ...The biggest problem ( or for that largest problem Indian girls face ! ) is my family opposition ..I am getting sick and tired of it ! Why do I always have to prove my point ! They are my family , then why the hell should I prove them EVERY TIME ? Cant they simply trust me or at least give me freedom of expression of my thoughts and desires ...SO what if I am not like them , it isn't my fault ! Damn man , sometimes , I just hate this ..I love my freedom a lot , more than anything in the world ! and probably that's why they feel happy and proud to keep me caged a dog , who should wag a tail at whatever they say ??? Disgusting ! I am a dog that will remain silent , and if you poke in too much would bite you !

And on top of all this , my best friend broke up with me !!! OMG ! What the hell is happening ..Ok I am not so much hurt for the break-pup but seething under rage for his silly misunderstanding which he don't even bothered to clarify !!! I tried to contact , but that bloody ( and I am getting all bad words ..because no one has ever hurt and broken my trust so much a shim ! ) sounds too busy and ignoring me ! Such a *%&^$#@!*. Ah , I no more believe that a guy and a gal can remain best friends ! No ...all that they can think is love !!! Damn ! Damn all those bloody minds who cant and don't know to maintain and have faith on friendship and friends !!

Everyday I get up , trying to forget my past , concentrating my present and future , but it hurts a lot ..I know this all shall pass , but these incidents have broken my strong faith on few things that I am deeply shattered ..Not a soul around me knows what I am going through ..To all them , I am their goody-goody friend , who is happy and crazy and kiddish ...And all are blind to see those invisible tears ! And they call themselves as my friends !

F**k yaar !! The world is nothing but a f***ing place ..All the people just use you for their purpose ! i have lost faith on relationship , any relationship for that matter !! I just hate it !! It make me feel as if I am an alien here !! Oh God , I know all this will get over , but please please help me !! I need you , though I know you are beside me ! I am just living clinging to the hope that everything will be soon end up , and you will make me stronger much more , and wont ditch me - making me feel lonely and alone !!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

GoD Is "NoT" gOoD AlWaYs


I saw these 6 words engraved in an car ..No doubt I always get to read different things but this one caught my mind and waves of thoughts splashed in my mind ....I read it about 5 times ( I can read very well mind you ...) and was pondering over it ...I forgot that I was driving my scooty amidst the heavy traffic zone at a famous "traffic spot" in the city ...The only question that I wanted to ask the owner of the car , where these impressions were printed in his rear glass window...But few questions better not to be asked in public , as people might think you have really lost your screw somewhere in the crowd;)

I wondered - Is God really good ? Leave alone the question of good / bad , most people end up questioning - Is there God ??? I don't know if you believe in His existence or not , but I believe , and that too very strongly ...I don't believe in his guises and blah blah but I just know there is a supreme power that controls all this ..A power that is everywhere , yet invisible , nearby yet far from our reach , exists but unknown of its whereabouts , etc ..

Mr.God has been best friend of life ...I have always loved Him and I will , no matter how many special persons I come across through in my life ...He has everything to me ..He thoughts , He fought , He left me half away , He guided me , He made me cry , He didn't give me any specific reason to laugh my heart out , He made me feel lonely , He was there when the world was against me - He did whatever He can and will always do , to make me the best out of what I am ....

That's the reason when I go to a temple I cant look at the idol and bend my head and say prayer or thank him ...I don't feel so at all ..Why should I when I know He is with me , inside me living and aware of everything of my life ? Will my trades of "doing this if you fulfill this wish of mine " reflects selfless love ???No , its just another deal , that you make with God , and when pure love exists , you become a poor businessman , coz all you know is to give to your love ...

Ooppss I was carried away ...coming to point to being good ..yes , though I love God , I am honest in my opinion that God is never good ...If so , there wouldn't have been miseries and pains and heartbreaks so much ....(I know what you guys thinking now ...I agree with your opinions n for God's sake don't say i am being pessimistic n all..I am optimistically looking things beyond "good" things ! )...God is not good to those children's who were no fault of their labelled as "Orphans" , God hasn't been good to all those innocent girls who were victims to men's lust , God has not been good to those old souls who did their best to their children yet find themselves in web of lonliness amidst being friends of their age in an Old age home ...I can give you thousands of such examples ...

No , I don't expect an answer .when God itself is silent on those things , I am not at all waiting to hear from you about it ...But despite all this , I love Him ...n yet I still an standing firm against the statement " God is good all the time "..He is not good .....

He is just SMART ...and knows what to do at respective time ...and that's not goodness mind you ..Its called smartness !!! N yes God is very SMART !! :)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Time Travel

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 8; the eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Dear Unknown husband of mine ,

I am soooooo happpppyyyyyy today ..Guess what ????? I just heard from mom that they are on a hunt for you ..I know you are wondering what makes me this sooo happy , but you will never understand this ..coz only a girl's heart can understand this cute mixed feelings ...

Well dearie ..I am doubly eager to meet and share my life with you , though outwardly I told mom that I am not that interested in marriage right now , in reality , its only for you I am still alive ...I travel to unknown horizons , with your tight arms around me , in a fictitious world called dream ..I love you and will love you so much , as no one has ever loved you ...I know that all the lovers in world says so , but not all wives do that honey ...

Sweetheart , I am waiting to share , and experience all those special moments , which makes life worth living for , and persons worth dying for ...I want to travel with you to your past and know each and everything about you - your silly pranks , your naughtiness , your innocence , your secrets , your hidden pains ..everything ..I want to see all those moments , which helped in making 'you'...I want to be present in those old times of yours and you , in mine ....

I am excited , thinking of the day , when we will walk together in this journey of life , where every step becomes a memorable part of 'our identity' ; leaving our footprints of the sands of time , which though would be covered up with new sands , its imprints will be left deeply in our heartbeats..

I want to travel and explore you - both the inner and outer world . As of now , I know your heart is quite a wonderful place , where flowers of sweetness and kindness bloom with scents of care and anger , along with small thorns called ego and an ocean of love for me ... Don't ask me how I know this , but I am very sure of this ...Being with such a lovely person , our outer world , would obviously spring with happiness with showers of love along with hot soups of arguments and fights ...

Darling , I want to travel the world with you ...Watch new places , make new friends , experiment with food and culture ..and also think beyond " We " - where there are people who needs us ...The invisible hands that's yearning for our help , the sealed lips which are begging for few kind words , the silent eyes which search for love ...I want to walk on those secret paths with you , where help is rendered selflessly to others ..Together , I am sure we can heal some wounds that life has caused them , soothing their pain as time goes on ..

Baby , I am not done yet , for I have many expectations from our relationship , and I know too you have lots ...Words are failing to pen down my secret wishes and gesture-gifts for you ..I will stop now , though I have lots to tell you ..I hope to meet you soon and unleash all that's within ....Miss you and Love you loadsaaa honey ..

Yours ,
would-be angelic wife ..

P.S : For those who couldn't get a connection between the topic and letter : "Time Travel" doesn't mean literally travelling with time ..Sometimes , it can be travelling with feelings that are felt and are expected to happen with passage of time ...

P.P.S : This is my first attempt , so there are chances of grammatical mistakes .Please pour in your honest comments !

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.