GoOdByE Mr.X

Dear Mr.X ,

I am daring to pour out my heart here with the only confidence that you will never read this , because I love you so much and dont wanna hurt you , yet the pain I am going through has to come out in some way or other , because its suffocating inside ... The harder I am trying to act cheeky and cheerful , the longer my face is turning out to be ...

Its been more than 6 months since we became friends ...Hardly a day has passed without hearing from you ....I am much more grateful , probably more than I am to God , because you brought me a new lease of life ...You are the only one , whom I could pour my emotions and feelings ...I need not yearn to listen to comforting words when I am down , because you always try that I never go through those depressions ..yet I do , at times , you do your best to bring me back from those darkness ..I do come back , holding the invisible hand you lend me ..But at times I dont , and thats what when misunderstandings and fights creeps in ...

In these 6 months , we would have fought about 600 times, but then we patch up again only to discover the bond between us moving closer , the understanding getting much better , the love and care we have on each other ..To be honest , I feared at times that the close bonding dont turn into love and all , but I completely trust you ..more than myself , and I discover that its not my fear , but being uncomfortable in accepting the fact that God has bestowed me with such a good friend ...

I cant forget the times we spent - the first and last meeting , the conversations at night , the fights through messages , the long wait to hear from each other , the silent cries , the non-stop laughs at silly jokes , the unseen smiles , the ecstatic feeling to get such a lovely friend , when we understood each other giving personal space , the silly fights over not sending messages , the silence during the calls when we were angry at each other , the way I talked to you like a thief from my bro's mobile when my mobile was taken away , the shoutings I heard from you when you were about to get caught since I called at wrong times ...so many memories ..seems like all this happened just yesterday ...

But the incidents that are happenings from more than a month , is just making us go far away from each other ..I agree that its all my fault , but I cant help it ..You know me , and this is not my first time ...In fact this time , I needed you desperately , because I was again caught in between the battle of my mind and heart ...I do know that heart never goes wrong , but its the only one that suffers a lot ...I was outta my senses all these days and your odd behaviour added to my miseries ..Whenever I wanted you beside me , you were in your world ..I understand that you have your own problems , you are figting your own battle , but in these 40 days , you never felt that I needed you , seeing my strange outbursts and anger ????

I didnt know , as usual , to tell about the situations I was going through ..I hoped that you , with your soft words , will make me feel at ease in blurting out the secrets which I was fakingly trying to confine , but past few days ( in fact its been more than a month ) your harsh words are lingering in me ...yes I know I cry like a baby and that I gotta get matured , but cant I open my heart out to you ??? Do you want me to wear that same mask , which I showcase to the world pretending all is well with me ???

Yes ..I cry like stupid I know , weeping even for silly things , but then I cant change this habit overnight ! Moreover with the present situation I am going through , crying is all I can do to console myself , as in all these days , even you werent with me ...Your strange reactions are disturbing me more than my own problems , because I know that the problems would pass away , but our friendship ??? Is that also going to drift away , same like my previous experiences ??? I am afraid X , I dont wanna lose you ..

So , in order to bring back the old bonding , I stepped down and tried in every way to be the same old friend to you , but I discovered the gap between us has widened ...You have moved away ... It hurt me , I cried bitterly , but all you do is add to my miseries - sometimes with your behaviour and sometimes with your harsh words ... This is not the friend I knew ..I didnt expect this from our friendship , I couldnt accept it ...

But now I have to move on ..I cant run away from the reality for a long time ..and so I bid you goodbye ...We are going to be friends , and you will be my best friend forever , but no more sharing , no more opening of secrets , nothing...I know you will be amazed at my odd behaviour , but you are stronger to leave all this and move on ...From now on , you too come in list of people , with whom I have to wear a mask and fake my feelings and words ...No more chatters and gossips to you from my side ....Goodbye Mr.X , you are free now..

Yours ,
An ex-friend