Hope it shall pass soon..

I am having a very bad time ..I don't know what to do , and so , I am away from blogging all this while !!In fact I am hating to blog , because it isn't helping me ! Nobody can , except for those few and damn , they are the reason for my pain ! I am so very upset , so very ...My career died one and half years back and now I was trying to focus on starting everything afresh , anew but ...The biggest problem ( or for that largest problem Indian girls face ! ) is my family opposition ..I am getting sick and tired of it ! Why do I always have to prove my point ! They are my family , then why the hell should I prove them EVERY TIME ? Cant they simply trust me or at least give me freedom of expression of my thoughts and desires ...SO what if I am not like them , it isn't my fault ! Damn man , sometimes , I just hate this ..I love my freedom a lot , more than anything in the world ! and probably that's why they feel happy and proud to keep me caged a dog , who should wag a tail at whatever they say ??? Disgusting ! I am a dog that will remain silent , and if you poke in too much would bite you !

And on top of all this , my best friend broke up with me !!! OMG ! What the hell is happening ..Ok I am not so much hurt for the break-pup but seething under rage for his silly misunderstanding which he don't even bothered to clarify !!! I tried to contact , but that bloody ( and I am getting all bad words ..because no one has ever hurt and broken my trust so much a shim ! ) sounds too busy and ignoring me ! Such a *%&^$#@!*. Ah , I no more believe that a guy and a gal can remain best friends ! No ...all that they can think is love !!! Damn ! Damn all those bloody minds who cant and don't know to maintain and have faith on friendship and friends !!

Everyday I get up , trying to forget my past , concentrating my present and future , but it hurts a lot ..I know this all shall pass , but these incidents have broken my strong faith on few things that I am deeply shattered ..Not a soul around me knows what I am going through ..To all them , I am their goody-goody friend , who is happy and crazy and kiddish ...And all are blind to see those invisible tears ! And they call themselves as my friends !

F**k yaar !! The world is nothing but a f***ing place ..All the people just use you for their purpose ! i have lost faith on relationship , any relationship for that matter !! I just hate it !! It make me feel as if I am an alien here !! Oh God , I know all this will get over , but please please help me !! I need you , though I know you are beside me ! I am just living clinging to the hope that everything will be soon end up , and you will make me stronger much more , and wont ditch me - making me feel lonely and alone !!

GoD Is "NoT" gOoD AlWaYs

"GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME"

I saw these 6 words engraved in an car ..No doubt I always get to read different things but this one caught my mind and waves of thoughts splashed in my mind ....I read it about 5 times ( I can read very well mind you ...) and was pondering over it ...I forgot that I was driving my scooty amidst the heavy traffic zone at a famous "traffic spot" in the city ...The only question that I wanted to ask the owner of the car , where these impressions were printed in his rear glass window...But few questions better not to be asked in public , as people might think you have really lost your screw somewhere in the crowd;)

I wondered - Is God really good ? Leave alone the question of good / bad , most people end up questioning - Is there God ??? I don't know if you believe in His existence or not , but I believe , and that too very strongly ...I don't believe in his guises and blah blah but I just know there is a supreme power that controls all this ..A power that is everywhere , yet invisible , nearby yet far from our reach , exists but unknown of its whereabouts , etc ..

Mr.God has been best friend of life ...I have always loved Him and I will , no matter how many special persons I come across through in my life ...He has everything to me ..He thoughts , He fought , He left me half away , He guided me , He made me cry , He didn't give me any specific reason to laugh my heart out , He made me feel lonely , He was there when the world was against me - He did whatever He can and will always do , to make me the best out of what I am ....

That's the reason when I go to a temple I cant look at the idol and bend my head and say prayer or thank him ...I don't feel so at all ..Why should I when I know He is with me , inside me living and aware of everything of my life ? Will my trades of "doing this if you fulfill this wish of mine " reflects selfless love ???No , its just another deal , that you make with God , and when pure love exists , you become a poor businessman , coz all you know is to give to your love ...

Ooppss I was carried away ...coming to point to being good ..yes , though I love God , I am honest in my opinion that God is never good ...If so , there wouldn't have been miseries and pains and heartbreaks so much ....(I know what you guys thinking now ...I agree with your opinions n for God's sake don't say i am being pessimistic n all..I am optimistically looking things beyond "good" things ! )...God is not good to those children's who were no fault of their labelled as "Orphans" , God hasn't been good to all those innocent girls who were victims to men's lust , God has not been good to those old souls who did their best to their children yet find themselves in web of lonliness amidst being friends of their age in an Old age home ...I can give you thousands of such examples ...

No , I don't expect an answer .when God itself is silent on those things , I am not at all waiting to hear from you about it ...But despite all this , I love Him ...n yet I still an standing firm against the statement " God is good all the time "..He is not good .....
















He is just SMART ...and knows what to do at respective time ...and that's not goodness mind you ..Its called smartness !!! N yes God is very SMART !! :)

Time Travel

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 8; the eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Dear Unknown husband of mine ,

I am soooooo happpppyyyyyy today ..Guess what ????? I just heard from mom that they are on a hunt for you ..I know you are wondering what makes me this sooo happy , but you will never understand this ..coz only a girl's heart can understand this cute mixed feelings ...

Well dearie ..I am doubly eager to meet and share my life with you , though outwardly I told mom that I am not that interested in marriage right now , in reality , its only for you I am still alive ...I travel to unknown horizons , with your tight arms around me , in a fictitious world called dream ..I love you and will love you so much , as no one has ever loved you ...I know that all the lovers in world says so , but not all wives do that honey ...

Sweetheart , I am waiting to share , and experience all those special moments , which makes life worth living for , and persons worth dying for ...I want to travel with you to your past and know each and everything about you - your silly pranks , your naughtiness , your innocence , your secrets , your hidden pains ..everything ..I want to see all those moments , which helped in making 'you'...I want to be present in those old times of yours and you , in mine ....

I am excited , thinking of the day , when we will walk together in this journey of life , where every step becomes a memorable part of 'our identity' ; leaving our footprints of the sands of time , which though would be covered up with new sands , its imprints will be left deeply in our heartbeats..

I want to travel and explore you - both the inner and outer world . As of now , I know your heart is quite a wonderful place , where flowers of sweetness and kindness bloom with scents of care and anger , along with small thorns called ego and an ocean of love for me ... Don't ask me how I know this , but I am very sure of this ...Being with such a lovely person , our outer world , would obviously spring with happiness with showers of love along with hot soups of arguments and fights ...

Darling , I want to travel the world with you ...Watch new places , make new friends , experiment with food and culture ..and also think beyond " We " - where there are people who needs us ...The invisible hands that's yearning for our help , the sealed lips which are begging for few kind words , the silent eyes which search for love ...I want to walk on those secret paths with you , where help is rendered selflessly to others ..Together , I am sure we can heal some wounds that life has caused them , soothing their pain as time goes on ..

Baby , I am not done yet , for I have many expectations from our relationship , and I know too you have lots ...Words are failing to pen down my secret wishes and gesture-gifts for you ..I will stop now , though I have lots to tell you ..I hope to meet you soon and unleash all that's within ....Miss you and Love you loadsaaa honey ..

Yours ,
would-be angelic wife ..

P.S : For those who couldn't get a connection between the topic and letter : "Time Travel" doesn't mean literally travelling with time ..Sometimes , it can be travelling with feelings that are felt and are expected to happen with passage of time ...

P.P.S : This is my first attempt , so there are chances of grammatical mistakes .Please pour in your honest comments !

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

CrAzY ApPy pOsT...

See the apple above ??? What comes to your mind looking at it ? ( ok now save your say for comments ..Its my blog , so obviously expect me to say yaar !!!

This apple is like mind ( I don't know if you have got one !!! ;) :P ) Can you see that the apple is still raw ????...( When I am asking about apple, why you still reading ? Look at the apple yaar !!! ...Now stop staring at the pic ...Its just an apple not a Britney Spears !!! Ok now shift your eyes back here ....)The raw apple is pricked by needles called thoughts .Isn't it ? It hurts the apple ...( Now don't wait that that the apple will speak coz apples don't !!!!! ) We can prick out the needles from the apple , but it will leave a mark ...the damage caused by the needle can't be repaired ..In fact , it indirectly invites other needles as if saying - You can come , the space is free ; not realizing that its going to get hurt again , to be replaced by another needle , which does same - it pricks !!! Same like thoughts na ?? One needle ( thought ) is taken aback , only to get pricked by another , sometimes refusing to come out and cause pain staying inside ! Whew...sounding insane ?? I don't know , I left my mind somewhere while writing this !! So if you gotta brains , you will understand , otherwise , Congrats ! You too lost it ! Ok now continuing my non sense ...

Have you thought ( only for those who use their brains !!! )that our mind , like this apple always and is continuously pricked by thoughts ( repeated this point just to check whether you really read it before !! You did ??? Then why read it again , skip it yaar ! and move your eyes to read next !!! :)) " An Apple a day , keeps a doctor away " - do you know what this means ?? Na , I am not stressing you to eat apples ..I am not into marketing of apples , please ! ...It means , you have use your mind ( here , only in this post , apple = mind .. Stressing on it because , when you go a restaurant to have a appy juice , don't order it as " Mental extracts " , justifying that I read in a blog that an apple = mind !! )

You have been bestowed with cerebrum , cerebellum and a brain stem ..If you don't make good use of this apple , this apple will start to decay and then you will need to go to a Mental doctor ( whose apple has already been rotten !!!! ;))Phew man..even my words seem to stink now as I am writing completely rotten !!! ...Let me end it now with some "Appy" proverbs ... ( Remember the equation : apple = mind )

P.S : Some utter non sense are also added in brackets , only to disturb , irritate and scratch your appy more :P

# An apple that ripens late keeps longest. (Serbian Proverb) ( So use your brain less , to save your power !!! ;))

# An apple thrown into the air will turn a thousand times before it reaches the ground. (Persian) ( So next time you start jumping up and down , be cautious that you will fall down with that apple ! )

# Bite into a bitter apple first, and the good one will taste all the sweeter. (German) ( For that , it doesn't mean keep eating others' minds oopss aaple ! :P)

# Everything round isn’t an apple. (Armenian) ( It may be an tomato also ;) )

# Handsome apples are sometimes sour. (Dutch) ( So stop polishing it , instead add sugary thoughts :))

# One bad apple will spoil the whole barrel. (English) ( So always stay alone , because you are very sure that you have a quite rotten apple ..Be single , save the world !!! ;))

# Sometimes it is better to give your apple away, than to eat it yourself. (Italian) ( As you use it rarely , donate to those who use it seriously:) )

# The apple never falls far from the tree. (English) ( It stays with your body !!!! :D )

# The attractive apple sometimes hides a worm within. (German) ( So get a CT Scan today!!!! )

# The bad apple floats on top. (Yiddish) (Only for those whose appy is above their neck !!! )

# The rotten apple spoils his companion. (That's why is your face loosing its charm huh ? ;))

What you looking for ???? My Apple ??? You crazy fellow ! Check yours first !!!!

ThE BlOgGiNg WolRd

Its quite a weird world -
where every moment thousands of thoughts unfurl ..
A platform where feelings are let out
portraying as an intelligent , though in reality you may be a lout..
At times when a simple explanation is dumped with words ,
Sometimes , serving as the only companion of a dud ..
Where beautiful ideas and thoughts bloom ,
Where you can freely fret and fume ..
Where lonliness is diverted to a new direction ,
As blogging is the new fashion !

WhEn i lOoK At tHiS.....(๏̯͡๏)

When I look at this picture ,

this is what my heart tells me :

You are ungrateful ,
for all the things you have been bestowed with ,
You are ungrateful,
for being lucky enough to eat food ..
You are ungrateful ,
for sleeping under the cozy bed ,
You are ungrateful ,
for being thankless that you aren't yet dead..
You are ungrateful ,
for having a family to take care ,
You are ungrateful ,
when life is still treating you in fair ..
You are ungrateful ,
for having hands to wipe your tears ,
You are ungrateful ,
for being blessed with lovliest peers ..
You are ungrateful ,
for the smiles your lips curve to ,
You are ungrateful ,
for having friends who are true ...
You are ungrateful ,
when you can walk on ,
You are ungrateful ,
when you can relish the beauty of a dawn...
You are ungrateful ,
for all the comforts you live with ,
You are ungrateful ,
for having a postive spirit ..
You are ungrateful ,
for being able to use your brain ,
You are ungrateful as -
despite the blessings , you still have so much to complain ....

GoOdByE Mr.X

Dear Mr.X ,

I am daring to pour out my heart here with the only confidence that you will never read this , because I love you so much and dont wanna hurt you , yet the pain I am going through has to come out in some way or other , because its suffocating inside ... The harder I am trying to act cheeky and cheerful , the longer my face is turning out to be ...

Its been more than 6 months since we became friends ...Hardly a day has passed without hearing from you ....I am much more grateful , probably more than I am to God , because you brought me a new lease of life ...You are the only one , whom I could pour my emotions and feelings ...I need not yearn to listen to comforting words when I am down , because you always try that I never go through those depressions ..yet I do , at times , you do your best to bring me back from those darkness ..I do come back , holding the invisible hand you lend me ..But at times I dont , and thats what when misunderstandings and fights creeps in ...

In these 6 months , we would have fought about 600 times, but then we patch up again only to discover the bond between us moving closer , the understanding getting much better , the love and care we have on each other ..To be honest , I feared at times that the close bonding dont turn into love and all , but I completely trust you ..more than myself , and I discover that its not my fear , but being uncomfortable in accepting the fact that God has bestowed me with such a good friend ...

I cant forget the times we spent - the first and last meeting , the conversations at night , the fights through messages , the long wait to hear from each other , the silent cries , the non-stop laughs at silly jokes , the unseen smiles , the ecstatic feeling to get such a lovely friend , when we understood each other giving personal space , the silly fights over not sending messages , the silence during the calls when we were angry at each other , the way I talked to you like a thief from my bro's mobile when my mobile was taken away , the shoutings I heard from you when you were about to get caught since I called at wrong times ...so many memories ..seems like all this happened just yesterday ...

But the incidents that are happenings from more than a month , is just making us go far away from each other ..I agree that its all my fault , but I cant help it ..You know me , and this is not my first time ...In fact this time , I needed you desperately , because I was again caught in between the battle of my mind and heart ...I do know that heart never goes wrong , but its the only one that suffers a lot ...I was outta my senses all these days and your odd behaviour added to my miseries ..Whenever I wanted you beside me , you were in your world ..I understand that you have your own problems , you are figting your own battle , but in these 40 days , you never felt that I needed you , seeing my strange outbursts and anger ????

I didnt know , as usual , to tell about the situations I was going through ..I hoped that you , with your soft words , will make me feel at ease in blurting out the secrets which I was fakingly trying to confine , but past few days ( in fact its been more than a month ) your harsh words are lingering in me ...yes I know I cry like a baby and that I gotta get matured , but cant I open my heart out to you ??? Do you want me to wear that same mask , which I showcase to the world pretending all is well with me ???

Yes ..I cry like stupid I know , weeping even for silly things , but then I cant change this habit overnight ! Moreover with the present situation I am going through , crying is all I can do to console myself , as in all these days , even you werent with me ...Your strange reactions are disturbing me more than my own problems , because I know that the problems would pass away , but our friendship ??? Is that also going to drift away , same like my previous experiences ??? I am afraid X , I dont wanna lose you ..

So , in order to bring back the old bonding , I stepped down and tried in every way to be the same old friend to you , but I discovered the gap between us has widened ...You have moved away ... It hurt me , I cried bitterly , but all you do is add to my miseries - sometimes with your behaviour and sometimes with your harsh words ... This is not the friend I knew ..I didnt expect this from our friendship , I couldnt accept it ...

But now I have to move on ..I cant run away from the reality for a long time ..and so I bid you goodbye ...We are going to be friends , and you will be my best friend forever , but no more sharing , no more opening of secrets , nothing...I know you will be amazed at my odd behaviour , but you are stronger to leave all this and move on ...From now on , you too come in list of people , with whom I have to wear a mask and fake my feelings and words ...No more chatters and gossips to you from my side ....Goodbye Mr.X , you are free now..

Yours ,
An ex-friend

ThE NeVeR-EnDiNg JoUrNeY...

I set out on a journey -
to find about me ,
to know what I am in real sense -
my true feelings along with acts of pretence..
In search of secrets that lie within ,
to unravel the mysteries hidden,
I see thousand faces and masks
to all , same question I ask...
Tell me who am I ?
Answer something , please reply !!!
But silence is all I hear
I am all alone , I fear ..
But still I try to move deeper
determined to make things clear ...
Flashes of memory swing in front of me
hinting : this is what you could probably be ...
Making my journey harder to move on ,
pricking my path as if I am going wrong ...
Admist all hardship I try to focus my intent
ignoring all the insults and comments ,
forgetting labels thrusted and torments ,
the times when I was made to relent..
The path becomes darker making me scary
making me more bleaky....
I hear whispers and tags to define me
But I know its all awry..
I still move unaware of where it will lead
As I am too late to recede
Its been years , yet I am wandering
but the search for the answer is still on...

AgAiNsT "SaVe oUr tIgErS" !!!!! (๏̯͡๏)

From past quite few days , I saw an extensive campaign run by Aircel in collaboration with WWF - India , about "Save our tigers" campaign . Many celebrities - M.S.Dhoni , Bhaichung Bhutia , Surya - all lending their voice for this cause ..All they say ( and showcase on the screen ) is the number of tigers left i.e., 1411 ( Are they sure its not 1410 while I am writing this ???? ). When I first saw the ad on my TV during the regular commercials , the first point that came to my mind is - How can I help in preserving the species from being extinct ???

After seeing n number of times about it , I decided to log on to the website www.saveourtigers.com and check out what can be done by a lame citizen like me in preserving the species ??? This is what I got to see :




Ok ..I can voice out i.e. Roar about it , I can be well informed about the facts and all , I will speak up also ( see I am writing about it !! ) ..These 3 I can very well do ( and I am sure these 3 are only all can do )...Donate ???? No ways !!! I have done lots of donations during other "critical" times - during tsunamis , earthquakes , blah blahs , etc., but it never reached them !!!! When help rendered to fellow- humans couldn't reach them and was eaten by 'middle men's' , tigers are after all animals ! How can I be assured that every penny 'donated' is utilized for "them" only ???

So I stepped onto the last section : "Lead the change" hoping to find a solution to my question ..Again clicking there got to see this :


Well , again , repeated irrelevant discussions , except that I can try to reduce usage of natural resources and be a good tourist ...Ok ..these are good points cited and appreciate the sponsors to have come out with that :) ..

Yes , I am against this campaign , and I know I am sounding quite negative ..but I will accept all your arguments and support and favourisms of this campaign if you answer my one question : How can I , as a individual , help in "Save the tigers" ??? Most tigers are - around 90% I guess , have been cruelly shot , for want of $$$$$....I guess you are well aware of all this ... How can citizens , ( ok let me take my case itself here ) , sitting at home (apart from leading their 'mechanical' life , who , at times , go on a holiday ) will help me to save our national animal ?? Some people out there - only a handful - are killing the animals ...For them , money is more important than preserving the species .Will making me aware help or taking strict measure against the criminals , enforcing stricter laws and security would help ??? ( now don't tell that Govt is taking initiatives ..If it really had , the numbers wouldn't have dropped down so drastically , in a span on of few years ...)

I am totally against this campaign ...Yes , because honestly , I can do nothing to help it , except to write , which in sands of time will be buried soon ... Writing or speaking about it WILL NOT help ..Its time Government do something about it , because citizens like me , can't do anything except being helpless and talking about it , and believe me , its feels stupid, to keep on writing about it , without noticing any difference in results !

P.S: Click on images , if you are really interested to read !

And do comment , would really love to know your waves of thoughts ! :)

TuRnInG A NeW LeAf ...

While I was just editing my profile while creating this blog , there was one space where my computer screen staringly asked me - "About Me" under the "Extended Info" head...I retorted back with a stare , turning into a bewildered look...Who am I ??? What should I write ? I have read so many blogs , where in so many stuffs are written - thoughts , experiences , feelings, knowledge sharing , etc...but its the "About Me" that pops out of a corner in their blog , interests me .. Some are crisply baked with hi-fi words , some are simply pretending to be natural when complexity runs in their blood , some fake sugary words , some try to be honest but find hard to be so while some are totally confused !!!!

Phew...one question ...Just 3 words create so many chemical reactions in brains...so many unused cells start to work , work and work , and finally die , but they fail to answer this question ...What a pity..

Oops..I too got carried away...This question didnt spare me too...Those 3 words kept lingering me ...I thought , thought and thought , like every new blogger does - as they want to put their best in their blog...But wait a minute...this is not my first blog , I do have another one ...Then why another blog ? Well ..why should I tell you the reason ??? Its my choice !

So coming to the question - " Who am I ? "..I play different roles to each - to my parents - a daughter ,sister to my siblings , friend to friends , etc etc ...So I am just another blogger in the blogging world , who like many others want to weave magic with words with their unbridled thoughts ! Will I ever succeed ?? Dunno , but wish me luck ! :)