GoOdByE Mr.X

Dear Mr.X ,

I am daring to pour out my heart here with the only confidence that you will never read this , because I love you so much and dont wanna hurt you , yet the pain I am going through has to come out in some way or other , because its suffocating inside ... The harder I am trying to act cheeky and cheerful , the longer my face is turning out to be ...

Its been more than 6 months since we became friends ...Hardly a day has passed without hearing from you ....I am much more grateful , probably more than I am to God , because you brought me a new lease of life ...You are the only one , whom I could pour my emotions and feelings ...I need not yearn to listen to comforting words when I am down , because you always try that I never go through those depressions ..yet I do , at times , you do your best to bring me back from those darkness ..I do come back , holding the invisible hand you lend me ..But at times I dont , and thats what when misunderstandings and fights creeps in ...

In these 6 months , we would have fought about 600 times, but then we patch up again only to discover the bond between us moving closer , the understanding getting much better , the love and care we have on each other ..To be honest , I feared at times that the close bonding dont turn into love and all , but I completely trust you ..more than myself , and I discover that its not my fear , but being uncomfortable in accepting the fact that God has bestowed me with such a good friend ...

I cant forget the times we spent - the first and last meeting , the conversations at night , the fights through messages , the long wait to hear from each other , the silent cries , the non-stop laughs at silly jokes , the unseen smiles , the ecstatic feeling to get such a lovely friend , when we understood each other giving personal space , the silly fights over not sending messages , the silence during the calls when we were angry at each other , the way I talked to you like a thief from my bro's mobile when my mobile was taken away , the shoutings I heard from you when you were about to get caught since I called at wrong times ...so many memories ..seems like all this happened just yesterday ...

But the incidents that are happenings from more than a month , is just making us go far away from each other ..I agree that its all my fault , but I cant help it ..You know me , and this is not my first time ...In fact this time , I needed you desperately , because I was again caught in between the battle of my mind and heart ...I do know that heart never goes wrong , but its the only one that suffers a lot ...I was outta my senses all these days and your odd behaviour added to my miseries ..Whenever I wanted you beside me , you were in your world ..I understand that you have your own problems , you are figting your own battle , but in these 40 days , you never felt that I needed you , seeing my strange outbursts and anger ????

I didnt know , as usual , to tell about the situations I was going through ..I hoped that you , with your soft words , will make me feel at ease in blurting out the secrets which I was fakingly trying to confine , but past few days ( in fact its been more than a month ) your harsh words are lingering in me ...yes I know I cry like a baby and that I gotta get matured , but cant I open my heart out to you ??? Do you want me to wear that same mask , which I showcase to the world pretending all is well with me ???

Yes ..I cry like stupid I know , weeping even for silly things , but then I cant change this habit overnight ! Moreover with the present situation I am going through , crying is all I can do to console myself , as in all these days , even you werent with me ...Your strange reactions are disturbing me more than my own problems , because I know that the problems would pass away , but our friendship ??? Is that also going to drift away , same like my previous experiences ??? I am afraid X , I dont wanna lose you ..

So , in order to bring back the old bonding , I stepped down and tried in every way to be the same old friend to you , but I discovered the gap between us has widened ...You have moved away ... It hurt me , I cried bitterly , but all you do is add to my miseries - sometimes with your behaviour and sometimes with your harsh words ... This is not the friend I knew ..I didnt expect this from our friendship , I couldnt accept it ...

But now I have to move on ..I cant run away from the reality for a long time ..and so I bid you goodbye ...We are going to be friends , and you will be my best friend forever , but no more sharing , no more opening of secrets , nothing...I know you will be amazed at my odd behaviour , but you are stronger to leave all this and move on ...From now on , you too come in list of people , with whom I have to wear a mask and fake my feelings and words ...No more chatters and gossips to you from my side ....Goodbye Mr.X , you are free now..

Yours ,
An ex-friend

ThE NeVeR-EnDiNg JoUrNeY...

I set out on a journey -
to find about me ,
to know what I am in real sense -
my true feelings along with acts of pretence..
In search of secrets that lie within ,
to unravel the mysteries hidden,
I see thousand faces and masks
to all , same question I ask...
Tell me who am I ?
Answer something , please reply !!!
But silence is all I hear
I am all alone , I fear ..
But still I try to move deeper
determined to make things clear ...
Flashes of memory swing in front of me
hinting : this is what you could probably be ...
Making my journey harder to move on ,
pricking my path as if I am going wrong ...
Admist all hardship I try to focus my intent
ignoring all the insults and comments ,
forgetting labels thrusted and torments ,
the times when I was made to relent..
The path becomes darker making me scary
making me more bleaky....
I hear whispers and tags to define me
But I know its all awry..
I still move unaware of where it will lead
As I am too late to recede
Its been years , yet I am wandering
but the search for the answer is still on...

AgAiNsT "SaVe oUr tIgErS" !!!!! (๏̯͡๏)

From past quite few days , I saw an extensive campaign run by Aircel in collaboration with WWF - India , about "Save our tigers" campaign . Many celebrities - M.S.Dhoni , Bhaichung Bhutia , Surya - all lending their voice for this cause ..All they say ( and showcase on the screen ) is the number of tigers left i.e., 1411 ( Are they sure its not 1410 while I am writing this ???? ). When I first saw the ad on my TV during the regular commercials , the first point that came to my mind is - How can I help in preserving the species from being extinct ???

After seeing n number of times about it , I decided to log on to the website www.saveourtigers.com and check out what can be done by a lame citizen like me in preserving the species ??? This is what I got to see :




Ok ..I can voice out i.e. Roar about it , I can be well informed about the facts and all , I will speak up also ( see I am writing about it !! ) ..These 3 I can very well do ( and I am sure these 3 are only all can do )...Donate ???? No ways !!! I have done lots of donations during other "critical" times - during tsunamis , earthquakes , blah blahs , etc., but it never reached them !!!! When help rendered to fellow- humans couldn't reach them and was eaten by 'middle men's' , tigers are after all animals ! How can I be assured that every penny 'donated' is utilized for "them" only ???

So I stepped onto the last section : "Lead the change" hoping to find a solution to my question ..Again clicking there got to see this :


Well , again , repeated irrelevant discussions , except that I can try to reduce usage of natural resources and be a good tourist ...Ok ..these are good points cited and appreciate the sponsors to have come out with that :) ..

Yes , I am against this campaign , and I know I am sounding quite negative ..but I will accept all your arguments and support and favourisms of this campaign if you answer my one question : How can I , as a individual , help in "Save the tigers" ??? Most tigers are - around 90% I guess , have been cruelly shot , for want of $$$$$....I guess you are well aware of all this ... How can citizens , ( ok let me take my case itself here ) , sitting at home (apart from leading their 'mechanical' life , who , at times , go on a holiday ) will help me to save our national animal ?? Some people out there - only a handful - are killing the animals ...For them , money is more important than preserving the species .Will making me aware help or taking strict measure against the criminals , enforcing stricter laws and security would help ??? ( now don't tell that Govt is taking initiatives ..If it really had , the numbers wouldn't have dropped down so drastically , in a span on of few years ...)

I am totally against this campaign ...Yes , because honestly , I can do nothing to help it , except to write , which in sands of time will be buried soon ... Writing or speaking about it WILL NOT help ..Its time Government do something about it , because citizens like me , can't do anything except being helpless and talking about it , and believe me , its feels stupid, to keep on writing about it , without noticing any difference in results !

P.S: Click on images , if you are really interested to read !

And do comment , would really love to know your waves of thoughts ! :)